Drowning.

Have you ever had the feeling where your thoughts only made you feel even more worse about a situation.

Have you ever had the feeling where you know you should speak up, but your throat is clogged by the gasps of breaths you take, making it hard to understand why you can't say anything.

You can't speak more than 2 words or you feel like you'll through up. Pass out? Maybe even collapse? You are terrified of the responses you would collect after wards.

It hurts to be the one who thinks so deeply, and tries so hard to come up with a solution. But when that answer is found, you cannot speak of it. Too scared you'll hurt the other person. Kill them inside with the awful truth that needs to be spoken. It hurts me, and it hurts you.

I can't say i didn't try, but i can't say i did.

The anticipation of holding all the energy inside, makes me want to scream. Explode.
It's nauseating actually. I can't and probably will never learn to let things flow. I always have to think of answers. My thoughts take over my mind, and make me believe untruthful things. Sometimes my thoughts are right, sometimes they are wrong. Sometimes they like to fuck with my head. I don't know how to tell which ones are bad, which ones are good. I do know that i have an awful problem now, and i can't fix it. I have to deal with it. I can't stand holding in all this information. I will eventually explode. Sooner or later.